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Superari • August 3, 2020
Before you get a dog, read this.
It is not lost on me that for the most part, my social media following is down to one thing – Xena. Our beautiful Doberman / Weimeraner Cross. Because of her, many of you ask me for my thoughts on getting a dog and which one to go for. When you see the connection between a dog and its hoooman (sic), it is completely natural to want one too. Here are some things to think about if you / your family are thinking about it.
To set some context, my husband and I were not ready to have a dog full time when we met Xena around 7 years ago. We actually went on a website called Borrow My Doggy.com where dog lovers and dog owners can be paired to help each other out. Sounds a bit like a weird dating site, but actually it’s a pretty neat idea. We were both working in the city and couldn’t take on the full responsibility.
I remember my husband (my boyfriend at the time) seeing a picture of Xena and that was it. He was hooked on her. I remember looking at her thinking ‘crikey, she’s a bit big’. But nonetheless, I reached out to the owners.
A few days later, I got a whatsapp message from my husband with a picture of him and Xena in his flat. She had actually just jumped up on the worktop and licked all the butter from the tub. I met her and the owners a couple of days later. The rest, as they say, is history.
We’ve learned a lot from having Xena, so I thought it would be helpful to share a few things that we’ve picked up along the way, especially if you’re thinking about getting one.
1. Know your own personality before choosing your dog.
If it is not in your nature to lead, or be outdoors, or if you don’t have a huge amount of time to train a dog, avoid a breed which is known to be strong, stubborn or who needs a lot of mental stimulation. Dogs such as Alsatians and Dobermans have to be walked approx. 1-2hrs a day but importantly also need a lot of mental stimulation. They are smart. Xena has learned to open doors from the inside, pulling the door towards her. They look and they learn very quickly. If that energy isn’t channelled, your dog can become destructive and potentially dangerous. If you have young children, a dog can be their best friend – but their personalities have to be matched. Your kids need to command the dog as much as you do, or all your hard work will go down the pan. Breeds such as retrievers or Labradors are good family dogs as they are docile, but they still need to know who calls the shots. It is a common mistake to think that ‘family dogs’ don’t need much command. A Labrador will eat you out of house and home if you don’t train it early on to keep away from the kitchen table!
2. Be prepared for your dog’s individuality.
Dogs are like people in many ways. They have personalities, characters, they respond to things differently. They change as they get older. And they’re not all social. They don’t all like to be around other dogs or people and they don’t always like every being they come across. Xena, for example, had bad experiences in her puppy years so she is fearful of other dogs coming too close. She is not, however, one to start a fight. She just likes her own company and it takes her time to feel comfortable around others. After some time, she can be your best friend, but it is never instant. Just like people, dogs have their own ways and you won’t always discover this early on. Try not to fixate on what your perfect dog will be like. Just like us, they change and have their own ways.
3. Whatever time you think you’re going to need to invest in a dog, double it.
Dogs get sick, they have problems, they need your attention, they need looking after when you’re not there. It takes a lot to plan around a dog even if you’re going out for the day. A walk a day may seem manageable, but if you have young children and it’s raining, it takes time to get everything together, go for a walk, come back and keep to routine. Just think about the day to day activities and prepare to put a lot of time in to keeping your dog happy and healthy.
4. Ask yourself if this is the right time in your life to get a dog.
We adopted Xena as she was destined for the dog shelter. The previous owners loved her, but their circumstances changed in the years they had her. They went from being a couple, to a family of four, and experiencing health and life difficulties which made it hard for them to cope. I’ll be honest, I used to think ‘how can anyone just discard their dog?’. But life can throw up so many challenges and a dog needs a lot of time and attention. We took Xena on and it’s the best thing we did. But for the previous owners it was a heart wrenching thing to do partly because their life had been so different when they first took her on. She had needs they could no longer meet. And that was a very difficult realisation for them to come to. Luckily, they didn’t have go through dropping her at a shelter, but for most people, that is a very, very hard thing to do.
5. Consider a rescue.
People often make the mistake of thinking that rescue dogs have something wrong with them. Often, if you speak to the shelters, they will tell you that the dogs are there for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes owners have to move or lose their jobs so can’t afford to keep their dogs. Sometimes owners have passed away. Sometimes the dog is just not right for their personality. That doesn’t mean they’re not right for you. Also, with most rescue dogs, you will often know upfront if they have behavioural or health issues so you know what you’re taking on. If you take on a puppy, behavioural issues can emerge 1, 2, 3 years into their life. Go and visit some shelters – you’ll be surprised how many beautiful dogs just need a home and could become your best friend.
6. Get your financials straight.
Dogs live on average to 8-12 years. Over that time, you will have to budget for vet insurance, food (Xena has a stomach issue which means we have to pay more for food which is better for her), dog sitters, medicines, toys, blankets, beds, towels, everything. I can’t seem to go into a store without buying Xena a little toy or gift. It happens ;) Do your calculations looking ahead, not just in terms of where you’re at now.
7. Learn about allergies and environmental factors which might suit you and your dog.
In the early days, we had no idea that dogs are allergic to grapes … until my husband decided to give her a couple and we ended up in A & E! Most dogs don’t do well with chocolate either, but sometimes there are also products in your home that you use every day which don’t suit animals. Disinfectants, cleaning products, air fresheners .. these things can trigger reactions in dogs inadvertently, so have a look online and do some research before you bring your dog home. There are dogs which are hypoallergenic breeds too, which might be helpful to know if any members of your family have asthma. Also know that some dogs get really scared of fireworks or certain sounds. If you live in an area where Diwali is celebrated for example, prepare for 2 weeks of fireworks as Bonfire Night is often at the same time. Vets can prescribe medicines for extreme cases but it can often mean sleepless nights if your dog is really scared. Think about your home space too. Huskies need a lot of range. They are beautiful, but they are working dogs and are used to pulling sleds for 2- 4 hours a day. If that energy isn’t drained, they will jump fences, run away and become very unhappy very quickly. If you only have a small garden and 30mins a day to walk a dog, a husky, for example, may not be for you.
8. Get used to poo.
Dogs poo. A lot. And you have to pick it up. They also wee, they get sick, they have diarrhoea, they eat weird things and they go through phases of favourite strange things to eat too .. Xena ate socks when she was little and now her fascination, at the age of 11, has returned so we have had to fish stuff out of her mouth sometimes. Part of having a dog is just not very pleasant. But it has to be taken care of .. by everyone in the family.
I realise that this article may have made you question whether having a dog is right for you. I’m glad if it has, as it is not a decision to be taken lightly.
However, with all the difficulties and challenges that come, a dog can enrich your life like nothing else.
Xena has taught me how to be in the moment, how to love freely, without condition, and how to forgive. She makes me smile when I least feel like it. Her innocence and her way of being is just beautiful to be a part of. If you do get the chance to experience it, knowing all the challenges that may come, never pass it up. A dog is truly man’s best friend.
A few months ago a wonderful journalist reached out to me from Women’s Health Magazine. She was based in the US and had felt compelled to write something about her experience of Yoga and how, in many ways, it has veered so far away from its roots. Of all the articles, texts and teachings I’ve contributed to, this is possibly the most important. Finally, a mainstream magazine has given space to the idea that Yoga today is a far cry from what it originally set out to be. In the article I made a few key points, but the one that I think most summarises what I feel is that Yoga, especially when taught years ago in India, was minimal, disciplined and in many ways hard. It was ‘simple and stripped back’, as the main reason we practice Yoga is to connect with our own energy and a higher power. It was simply a matter of meditating, and practicing, meditating and practicing. Now we have become so enamoured with yoga clothes, props, accessories etc that many have forgotten the entire reason behind what we do why we do. Teachers would spend years training their students, without even any promise that they would become a teacher at all. It was the studying, the learning and the inner evolution of that student which was the way of Yoga. I believe that teachers play a huge role in holding on to the essence of Yoga. It isn’t about making it exclusive, far from it. But Yoga is a science. It takes many years to learn the basics, and a lifetime on top of that to continuing progressing and evolving. If we could just take our time, teach students in the right way by helping them to evolve as people first, we have a chance of holding on to the absolute gift that Yoga is - a way of life, that changes your life.
The one thing Covid has damaged that the media isn’t even talking about So much of the news agenda and conversations around Covid covers the spread of the pandemic, how it’s impacting our work life, the economy, education .. the list goes on. But as a friend and a Yoga teacher to people, the conversations I’ve had the most with people in the last six months are centred on one topic: relationships. Covid has placed us firmly in the spotlight of one another. It has shone a light on each of us as individuals, and on our relationships. There has literally been no place to hide. And let’s be honest. It’s been painful. Whether you live with your mum and dad, partner, kids, or on your own, there hasn’t been a more intense time than this to see our relationships as what they are. And as a result, we have seen the very best, and the worst, in each of us. This situation is further warped by an obsession many people have to present their lives as perfect through social media. It is an utterly strange situation when we really think about it. Recently I have seen many marriages and relationships break. If this applies to you, remember one thing. You haven’t failed. However long you have been in a relationship, and however it is that you’re exiting out of it, you have not failed. We are going through extraordinary times, and no matter what you may think or feel right now, Covid has escalated a path that you were likely walking anyway. As much as it has been a curse, it has also been a great blessing. Equally, if Covid has brought you closer, that’s a wonderful thing. So celebrate it. Whichever side of the fence you sit on, or if you’ve simply struggled to be single, remember that our relationships are there to help us to grow. The people we have in our lives are there because often, we have something to learn from them or we have something to teach them. When that process is done, when your karmic connection is complete, that specific relationship will end. Today, on International Yoga Day, I wanted to share one piece of advice that was given to me a while back which has helped me, both with the relationships I have with myself, and with others. Hold on to this principle when speaking to one another: No comparisons No complaints No criticisms Naturally, your energy will become more positive, you will speak over more meaningful topics and your will allow space for your reactions to be calmer. Don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it. Our relationships play such a big part in our life. No one has got it all right. Happy International Yoga Day. Namaste.
I get asked this question a lot – any books you would recommend as part of my Yoga practice? The truth is that over the years I have been inspired by many scriptures, all philosophies and all ways of practicing Yoga. I was raised as a Hindu, went to a Roman Catholic School, studied the Bible, have great friends who are Muslim and one of my favourite Yoga teachers is Jewish! I don’t believe that one system fits everyone – I believe there are beautiful teachings across all faiths and philosophies and if we seek to understand differences, they eventually become similarities. Books have been my solace, my friend, my teacher and my guide for as long as I can remember. So here are my recommendations on books I would recommend for you to read, regardless of your belief systems or style of Yoga practice: Please note these are in no particular order and they do not relate so much to physical Yoga practice. I’ll create a separate list for that: 1. The Bhagavad Gita – Swami Prabhupada: At the heart of these Hindu scriptures is a core teaching of being even-minded regardless of what happens in your life. The teachings describe – through a conversation of Lord Krishna and Warrior Arjuna – how Yoga, Meditation and Good Living can help us to conquer the mind and make decisions wisely. An absolutely beautiful read and life-long companion. 2. Tao De Ching [The Book of The Way] - Lao Tzu There are many versions of the Chinese scriptures, but my favourite is by Lao Tzu. Loosely meaning ‘The way of integrity’, this book of 81 verses contains thought-provoking teachings on how to live simply and without expectation. If there’s a book that highlights the power of spiritual simplicity, it’s definitely this one. 3. I Am That – Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj This book is a no holds barred conversation with Sri Maharaj which will encourage you to look within yourself. There isn’t a book out there which has made me realise more that the process of self-realisation truly begins within. The ability to deconstruct your thoughts, beliefs, and to probe all the concepts you believe to be true and question them deeply is in many ways the most powerful thing one can do for the mind. As it is only from there can we begin to reconstruct who we really are. It’s not a light-hearted read but it is the kind of book where the right 2 sentences can totally change the way you think. 4. The Gift – Poems by Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky For the romantics amongst you and if you have a love of Rumi’s teachings, The Gift, by Hafiz, will make you laugh, smile, have faith, chuckle and feel moved in one sitting. It’s written in a way that only Sufi poets can, with a gentleness to its words which will stay with you for a very long time. 5. The Dhammapada by Eknath Eashwaran The late great Eashwaran was a Master at translating religious scriptures and interpreting them in a way that we can really understand. His teachings can be found in written books and audiobooks, both of which I’d recommend. His interpretation of the Buddhist scriptures – the Dhammapada – is a very special read as it covers topics which we can often shy away from and explains them in such a reassuring way. Look no further if you need some comfort reading for your soul. 6. The World in Transition by Daya Mata and Paramahansa Yogananda One of my very first books as I began my spiritual journey, it is extraordinary how despite being written over 20 years ago, how relevant the topics covered in this book are today. Yogananda was one of the very first Yogis to introduce Yoga to America, especially to California, and Sri Daya Mata was a disciple and teacher of Yogananda’s movement. If you’re wondering why things are happening the way they are in this world today, this offers a little spiritual insight which you’ll surely find useful. 7. Ikigai – The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life by Garcia and Miralles Inspired by Japanese principles, ways of living and case studies of people who have lived a long and happy life, this book, though light to read, gently encourages you to think about they way in which you’re living your life. It is beautifully subtle but resonates very deeply. Though written very recently, this book is already an international bestseller and I can see why. It will also make a wonderful gift for a friend of family member. 8. Around the World in 80 Plants – Jonathan Drori If you know me you’ll know how much I love the magic of gardening. I recently came across this beautifully illustrated book, which highlights 80 plants while explaining their history in an often surprising and humorous way. It is written with such tenderness and clarity – and will make you see all sorts of flowers and plants in a completely different way. This book simply reaffirms to me that Nature is magical, beautiful and we are such a big part of it all. If you want to feel closer or more connected to the world, get this book as quickly as you can. 9. Stepping into Happiness – Dadi Janki My mother gave me this book a few years back, and it is one that I have only recently truly started to understand deeply. It offers, in my view, the best explanation of what depression means, and how to handle it. Dadi Janki, the late great leader of the Brahma Kumaris Global Spiritual University, was a force to be reckoned with. She worked, travelled and gave talks right until the very last moments of her life. She died at 104 years old. And yes, you read that right. 10. God Makes the Rivers to Flow – Eknath Eashwaran Eknath Eashwaran collates prayers and teachings from a wide range of religions and philosophies in this absolutely beautiful book. I have had it for at least 10 years, I found my favourite ever prayer in it’s first few pages years ago and I still use it regularly today. Get your hands on a copy even if you don’t pray much at all. I’m pretty sure there’ll be something in there that resonates to you. Here are the links of the copies I have. I really hope you find as much joy and peace in these books as I have. 1. The Bhagavad Gita As It Is https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Bhagavad-gita-As-It-Is-White-vinyl-/313060437679 2. Tao De Ching [The Book of The Way] - Lao Tzu https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tao-Te-Ching-Lao-Tzu/dp/1690029994/ref=sr_1_4?crid=ZKQPYJEDRUXE&dchild=1&keywords=tao+te+ching+by+lao+tzu&qid=1620998704&sprefix=tao+te+ching+%2Caps%2C165&sr=8-4 3. I Am That – Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj https://www.amazon.co.uk/That-Talks-Sri-Nisargadatta-Maharaj/dp/8185300534/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=I+am+that&qid=1620998752&sr=8-1 4. The Gift – Poems by Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gift-Poems-Hafiz-Great-Master/dp/0140195815/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+gift+hafiz&qid=1620998821&sr=8-1 5. The Dhammapada – Eknath Eashwaran https://www.amazon.co.uk/Eknath-Easwaran-Dhammapada-Classics-Spirituality/dp/B00HTJO3F8/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3LKIY40Y86Y5&dchild=1&keywords=the+dhammapada+by+eknath+easwaran&qid=1620998853&sprefix=the+dhammapada+ek%2Caps%2C152&sr=8-1 6. The World in Transition by Daya Mata and Paramahansa Yogananda https://www.amazon.co.uk/World-Transition-Finding-Spiritual-Security/dp/087612015X 7. Ikigai – Garcia and Miralles https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ikigai-Japanese-secret-long-happy/dp/178633089X/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=ikigai&qid=1620998969&sr=8-1 8. Around the World in 80 Plants https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/9781786272300?gC=5a105e8b&gclid=CjwKCAjwv_iEBhASEiwARoemvMdP_WtNBjbcgx598mIPdGv2B2kvBWZfUHqbPnWxTG3dgJ8bNF8xoBoCzx4QAvD_BwE 9. Stepping into Happiness – Dadi Janki https://www.inspiredstillness.com/brand/dadi-janki/ 10. God Makes the Rivers to Flow – Eknath Eashwaran https://www.waterstones.com/book/god-makes-the-rivers-to-flow/eknath-easwaran/9781586380380